...positives from negatives...

tonight I found some old film from earlier this year which I haven't yet scanned.

the pictures are (so far) from that epic party/fundraiser that we had at my old house in Kirkwood.

they don't really hold any sort of nostalgic sentiment for me. but they are making me a little sad. the photos aren't themselves the sad thing, its just realizing that so much has happened in the space of time between when these photos were taken and now.

photography is about capturing time. the light of the moment leaves its record on the emulsion and those moments are saved. ghosts caught in the gelatin and silver.

but then I forget about the film. put it aside and live for a while.

I have loved my friends, I have loved my lovers, I grew closer with some, and others went away. I changed my style and changed my hair as things fell apart and then came back together.

In the space between these pictures and me, I have lived.

my stomach is throbbing like a heart

...hotminute...

NEW VIDEO!!!

making out is great

('ey baybay)

...victorian luxury...

I skipped school and took a hike.

It was just about the nicest way to spend zero dollars.

(I took the bus to stone mountain)

I'll share some photos sometime...

{[halloween]}

the night before halloween was my halloween.

indescribably wonderful.

I caught myself smiling unprovoked all throughout the day today.

I'll leave it there.

{[pages]}

I've found out tonight that a good friend of mine and myself are on the same page about a particular project/group of people with whom we collaborate... it feels nice to air some dirty laundry sometimes.

on that note... PHOTOS (and [f]art)!

tour (f)art from May...

little 5 points halloween parade stuff... 2010

yes-sir-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

{[hello again]}

wow...

last time I wrote on this thing, I was really angry.

not without good reason, but still.

so! for May, I was transcontinental and for July, I was French and I'm a little less... less whatever I was last time I wrote on here.

I'm mostly okay with everything now, which feels really nice.

in the interval that has passed, I've met and then missed a particular set arms and legs and lips more than I should. I've been lied to in unforgivable ways. And I found a wine rack in a dumpster.

So a few months of heartache yield great returns

mostly, things are good

...things i don't like...

I don't like being punched in the stomach by psychotic drunken assholes just because of who I live with.

Especially when this particular drunken asshole is someone to whom I have chosen not to speak for the past year because I got sick of reintroducing myself each time I met them because they were too drunk to remember me from the previous time(s).

So... my blood boils.

It was in a crowded room filled with many people I know and, in general, felt safe around, and at the prospect of a fight, like frat bros to a just-tapped keg, these pseudo-hip poseurs began licking their lips at the prospect of blood. So I had to sit there, apologizing to the man (let's get this straight, the guy is like 15 years older than me) who had just punched me in the stomach, completely unprovoked, in a crowded room. I had to tell him, "I'm sorry," over and over again for living with the people, or really 'person', with whom I live; and all the while, the heat coming off the boners of the hipsters that had gathered around to watch the fray was palpable. The fucker accused me of stealing from the poor and desperate people of the world and threatened me by saying, "I know exactly where you live."

So eventually, I guess he realized that I wasn't going to fight back and that I am not the same person as my roommate who he hates, and he walked away, and I walked the fuck out...

And because of this, and too many other similar reasons, I'm ready to leave Atlanta.

I want to find a new place with a few less familiar faces and a few more faces for me to become familiar with...

But I'm stuck here for at least another year.

(the following statement is intrinsically tied to what I've already said in a lot of ways)

fuck nurturing the local arts community if it's filled with so much hostility and people who are bereft of clear direction or ambition. I don't want to be a waiter/painter. So I won't let that happen.

and it's a wonderful thing to paint your face and enjoy the sunshine, but don't delude yourself into thinking your changing the world for the better or worse. Everything is. Just is. And a hula-hoop ain't gonna make a damn bit of difference.

Deuces Atlanta

you're the rotten apple of my eye

you disgust me

I'm going to heavily prune my circle of friends

...tell me something good...

On the edges of waking and sleep, you're there;

I can still taste you, smell you, feel you each time I'm pulled back through that unknown ocean to where things like having hands and feet seem to mean little more than my own jagged breathing;

Most things will never happen, but this one...

I'd say yes if only you'd ask.

...21 and Up...

good things have been thrown my way by the lung-bucket-full.

I won that scholarship. It's not much, but it'll help.

I've got an interview with a gallery and an airbrush facepaint training session coming up.

I'm gonna help my friend with a really rad sounding public art project.

2 MAJOR albatrosses have been removed from my back.

School is getting easier.

Things are getting closer.

My mind is coming to lots of conclusions about lots of things.

also, I'm of legal age to do just about whatever the fuck I want.

(*click, click*)

BUT THERE IS STILL NO TIME TO BREATHE...

{[elated asphyxiation]}

...it snowed too many times...

At that special somewhere where these things aren't supposed to happen, there are people lighting fires on stones to stay warm.

They're not sure why they do it, they just know that they like the way it feels.

So when their faces start to stick, they think, "it's only atoms after all," and they realize that things could be much much worse.

Happy March.

9 years and 27 days 'til I'm 30.

PS: I'm making art

...seasons...

Dear Life and Friends,

I'm gonna go get my head examined and then I'll get back to you.

Love,

Me

...this is...

this is january.

january is for broken hearts, big smiles, snowy playgrounds, freezing beaches, and warm beds...
all things resume and some really good things end...
at least I made a few new friends.

:D
smile town is where I live

I'm making tostones for dinner