...{[]}...

I was mislead.

I think I very nearly loved him.

I'm alternately okay, angry, and sad.

I'll be fine for a while and then all of a sudden it feels like all the air has been let out of my heart.

With S. it was all about fucking. None of my emotional attachment was (or ever felt like) it was reciprocated, so despite how much it sucked when he decided to have nothing more to do with me, I could let it go more easily because I knew that I could never get anything like love back from him.

J. and L. came in between. I was the monster. I was numb.

Then this beautiful boy came into my life and made me feel like I could love someone. Someone on the same page as me. Someone that could give me as much as I gave.

I was fucking wrong.

What a difference 9 days (and 9 love ridden postcards) make.

as one of my best friends said:

"Someone please punch me in my teeth, just fucking punch me. I feel like a piece of meat"

I think I'll go to sleep crying and wake up shaking (then repeat this pattern over and over) like last night.

Once my support group is back, I think I'll be okay. I need a way to get this love (or whatever it is) out of my system before it turns to venom.